Time to cheer up this typically dreary Bank Holiday Monday with the latest selection of Eurovision hopefuls, all of whom will be competing in the first semi-final on 22 May. First up are Israel. After the failure of former winner Dana International to qualify last year, this year the Israelis are pinning their hopes on Izabo, who perform Time. This is quite a cheery, old-skool Eurovision number (old-skool as in 1975). However, it’s best listened to with one’s eyes closed. If listened to with one’s eyes open, one is confronted with Bob Fossil off The Mighty Boosh impersonating David Essex. And clowns. Lots of clowns.
With all its retro jollity, Israel’s entry is undoubtedly different from those around it. But not as different as the entry from San Marino. For every generation of Eurovision fans, a song comes along whose jaw-dropping awfulness makes it all the more amazing. For instance, in 1983, there was this:
Then, in 1991, there was this:
And then, in 2000, there was this:
Now for this generation’s equivalent. The entry, performed under several miles of autotune by Valentina Monetta, was originally called Facebook Uh Oh Oh. However, as this breached one of Eurovision’s many, many regulations by effectively acting as an advert for said website, the song was hastily re-recorded with all mentions of the F-word removed, and retitled (with the gratuitous addition of two extra “oh”s) The Social Network Song (Oh Oh – Uh – Oh Oh). To be honest, though, it’s about as effective an advert for that social networking site as a film in which its founder was depicted as a weaselly, double-dealing, misogynistic douchebag with limited social skills. Enjoy, if that’s the right word:
Lyrically, there are so many gems to choose from, each one of which makes Friday by Rebecca Black sound like Leonard Cohen by comparison. However, “googling, giggling, gaggling” in particular gets me every time. And the awful brilliance is somehow ramped up by the obvious substitution of “F***b**k”s with “ooh-ooh”s and “beep-beep”s. Truly staggering. And in a semi-final that also features Jedward and a troupe of Russian grannies, that’s an achievement.
If you have any will to live remaining, then here’s the Cypriot entry for this year. Catherine Zeta-Jones-a-like Ivi Adamou performs La La Love, an efficient three minutes of Gaga-lite, with the accompanying video a take on Snow White featuring giant fruit:
Of the three entries previewed today, that one probably stands the best chance of making a decent impression. Although arguably that wouldn’t be too hard. Next time, the aforementioned Russian grannies will be getting an airing, sandwiched between Denmark and Hungary. Don’t miss it!